Martial Arts Talk
by Kevin Joe Bays
Summary: A show with your favorite martial artist, Ranma from the past, present, and future. See how Ranma has changed since he was a kid and what he could become as an adult.
1. Chapter 1

Please feel free to read and review.  
  
Chapter 1version 1.0  
  
"Thanks for joining us, I'm your host, time traveling Mark Saotome from the year 2023. Today are guest is Chibi-Ranma Saotome, age 6, Ranma Saotome, age 16, and Ranma Saotome, age 26. Give them a hand," as Mark says this, he waits for a second before noticing something. "Oh, that's right. We don't have a studio audience."  
  
In the mean time, a child , a teenager, and an adult all come out from the back stage area. Once they are seated, the guide faces them.  
  
"Welcome, how are you all today?"  
  
"I'm great!" Chibi-Ranma said. "I've been training with my father and it's been real fun!"  
  
"Fun? Ha!" Teenage Ranma said with a grunt. "Just wait. I'd say you only have three days tops before he tosses you in a pit of cats."  
  
"What are you saying? My father loves me!"  
  
"The old man loves something and it ain't you."  
  
"Sorry kid, but the rude teenager is correct," Adult Ranma commented. "I know it's tuff to hear this, but your father isn't the best person, but if you can avoid the Neko-Kun training, everything else he does will be worth it."  
  
"Oh yeah! Everything he says. What about Jusenkyo?" teenage Ranma retorted.  
  
"That? Oh it turned out to be great too."  
  
"Excuse me?" Mark interrupted.  
  
"Sorry," all three Ranma's sang.  
  
"Now, I'll skip asking the rest of you how your doing and move on to the hard hitting questions. Ranma, starting the with the youngest and moving to the oldest, tell me what you've been doing lately... and no interrupting each other."  
  
"Yes sir," the three Ranma's once again spoke in unity.  
  
"Father and I have just left mother on a training journey. We're going to see the world... of course, I hope there isn't much fighting involved..." Adult Ranma slaps his head.  
  
"I almost forgot..." then he stopped. "Mark, you mind if I tell the kid something?"  
  
"Um, sure since you asked politely."  
  
"Ranma, when your dad makes you do the Neko-Kun, just go along with it. It might seem a little scary, but it's not... It's real fun..."  
  
"What'd you mean fun!" teenage Ranma yelled as his mouth was covered.  
  
"Do you want to end up a momma's boy?" Adult Ranma whispered into teenage Ranma's ear.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean do you remember the time before you left your mother?"  
  
"Kind of... Oh, that's odd," teenage Ranma stated as he remembered how wimpy he was.  
  
"Well, I was able to figure out that the Neko-Kun helped us break out of the shell. Besides, in about four years you'll discover a way to control your fear of the four legged hairy monsters... cats," teenage Ranma jumped as Adult Ranma said this.  
  
"Ok, you made your point."  
  
"So, Ranma, anything else going on?"  
  
"Nope. It has been very slow lately."  
  
"Ok, next."  
  
"Let's see," teenage Ranma started. "I've been engaged to about thirty different women, I'm being challenged by every idiot with Martial Arts knowledge, and I'm living in the House of Weird."  
  
"Wow, is there anything else you'd like to add?"  
  
"Nah, can't say I want to."  
  
"Then on to the last person."  
  
"Thanks Mark," Adult Ranma calmly stated. "As I told Ranma, got over the Neko-Kun, and I'm currently dating a few different women and men."  
  
"Wait a minute!" teenage Ranma interrupted.  
  
"Hey, Mark said no interrupting."  
  
"I'm sorry, but did you say your dating men?"  
  
"Yeah, when turned twenty-two, I started noticing my girl side was reacting odd to certain guys. After talking to a few other women, I figured it out. After two more years, I fell head over heals for this gorgeous hunk. Of course, he just broke my heart..."  
  
"I hate myself..."  
  
"Sounds like you've really changed during your adulthood," Mark said calmly.  
  
"Yeah, I mean ,after I found out my curse was permanent after I turned twenty, I tried to live with it. Soon, I discovered I really was both a man and a woman when the feelings became so different. I was in a lot of pain when I tried to deny my feminine half. Once I accepted it, my whole life became like a bed of roses."  
  
"I think I'm gonna be sick," teenage Ranma said as his face seemed to actually be turning a shade of green.  
  
"Trust me, once you've accepted your female side and start treating it right, you'll understand what I'm talking about. And don't worry about mother. Seems she swings both ways too even with out a curse."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Hey guys, we've got a kid here. No adult talk," Mark nervously said.  
  
"I'm not a kid! I'm just a very young adult," Chibi-Ranma replied. This caused the other two Ranma's to slap their foreheads and groan.  
  
"We'll be right back after this commercial break." The band began to play the music and the screen faded to black.  
  
(Chapter 1 is done. I want to add a bit more 'adult' conversations to this, but I'm not certain if I should. I don't want to offend anyone, so for now, I'm leaving this as is. Let me know by review or by email [ ]  
  
Thanks again for reading [ideas on how to improve this story would be great!]) 


	2. Chapter 2

Please feel free to read and review.  
  
Chapter 2 version 1.0 Warning: Has adult talk. (nothing is graphically described though)  
  
"Welcome back. Once again, I'm time traveling Mark Saotome and in case your wondering, I'm the 203rd child of Ranma Saotome. I'm not really sure who's my mother is... Or father, but I know that Ranma was at least one of them. Today, we are talking to Ranma Saotome past, present, and future. We tired to talk to them together and of course that didn't work so well, so if this continues to be madness, I will be forced to separate them to three different rooms. Now, young Ranma, what plans do you have for the future?"  
  
"To see the world with my father like my mom told me to."  
  
"Your mother told you to?"  
  
"Yup. Of course, I had to sign some strange paper before I left.. I think it was a birthday card for my grandmother."  
  
"Moron...," teenage Ranma stated.  
  
"Ranma... Why are you calling Chibi-Ranma a moron?" Mark asked.  
  
"Cause that 'paper' he signed was a promise of our father to become a man amongst men 'or else'."  
  
"Or else?"  
  
"Or else we would have had to kill ourselves with a knife in the belly."  
  
"Oh my, that sounds painful."  
  
"It is Mark, it is. At least I'm fairly sure it is..."  
  
"Since we're talking, what are your plans?"  
  
"I'm hoping to continue my training and eventually I'll fulfill my fathers wishes and marry Akane," this comment got a laugh out of adult Ranma. "Ok man, what's wrong with that?"  
  
"Nothing serious, just that I never ended up marrying any of Soun Tendo's three daughters, though they all had a few of my children..."  
  
"What!"  
  
"I also had children about five children each with Ukyo, Shampoo, Kodatchi..."  
  
"Kodatchi?"  
  
"Oh yeah! She's a wild one. Trust me when I say, she really brings the party to life. Of course there was also that girl that liked to name everything, the martial arts fast food restaurant girl, Takewaki..."  
  
"Man, your sick! You sleep with him?"  
  
"Yeah, but at first it was just to get him to leave me alone. After the third time, it was fun. He really knows how to use his stick."  
  
"You mean his bokken?"  
  
"Yeah, that too."  
  
"That's it, I'm becoming a monk. No sexual activities for me at all!"  
  
"Aw it's not that bad... Let's see there was also Ryoga, Tusbasa, Eiko, and I think I did it with Nodoka-chan just to see what it was like..."  
  
"You... YOU... Your not me! Your some kind of twisted sick pervert from an alternate dimension!"  
  
"Naw, I'm just loving life. You'll figure it out eventually," he stops and checks his watch. "In about two to four years if I remember correctly."  
  
"But you slept with our mother?"  
  
"So what? I admit, we were both very drunk, but the next day she told me it was great. She even offered me a place in her bed if I was lonely."  
  
"Mark! In what warped dimension did you find this?"  
  
"This one, though I admit he was different then I expected him to be. The Ranma that was my father wouldn't have let the fact that she was family stop him from going back several times," Mark replied casually. "Heck, I'm surprised he didn't list Genma in that list too."  
  
"I should note that I've never had a child from an family member. It was just fun with them," adult Ranma added. "And of course, I only do with people who are the legal age."  
  
"It's official. I become the biggest pervert in the lands...,"teenage Ranma stated as he buried his head in his hands. "When I get home, I'm going to commit seppuku. That's the only way I can stop this."  
  
"That or you can use the knowledge you've gained here to become a better person... if you really think he's that bad."  
  
"Your right Mark... Of course, that means that you won't exist, but hey, that's a small price to pay I suspect..."  
  
"Ok...," Mark replied as he wiped his brow. "Good luck with your plan. Just make sure to let me get in my anti-time capsule so I can remain alive..."  
  
"Hey Mark?" adult Ranma asked.  
  
"Yes Ranma?"  
  
"Got room for one more person? I'd rather not disappear."  
  
"Of course. You are almost my father."  
  
"Heck, I probably gave birth to you before I came here."  
  
"Good point dad."  
  
At this point, teenage Ranma is in shock and unable to hear anything going on around him.  
  
"Hey kid," the adult Ranma called over to the child.  
  
"What?" Chibi-Ranma asked.  
  
"Let me give you some advise. When you become a girl, don't think of it as a curse. Think of it as a blessing. Instead of only experiancing one side of the joy, you'll be able to do both!"  
  
"Ok... but what is the difference between boys and girls?" This question stunned the adult Ranma and Mark.  
  
"Oh no, I forgot. Out of all the things my mom taught me as a child, sex ed wasn't even remotely touched on," adult Ranma paused to decided how to phrase his next sentance. "Right now, there isn't a big difference except in how you go to the restroom kid. When you get older though, the differences grow. That's all I can say on that for now. Just remember, when you become both, don't let anyone tell you it's bad. It's great. Beat up your dad when he looks down on you or any other girl."  
  
"Ok...," Chibi-Ranma agreed since he didn't understand anything the adult was saying. Instead, he filed it away for latter use.  
  
"Heck, I can tell you one thing your old man will be wrong about. Women are just as strong as men. Sometimes even stronger. And they don't hold back in a fight like some guys do. So being a girl is actuall better for fighting." Once again, adult Ranma's information was stored for latter use.  
  
"Sounds interesting guys, but once again, we have to break for a comercial break or we won't be able to stay on the air."  
  
(Chapter 2 is done. It's a lot more controversial, so unless it offends someone really badly, I'm leaving this as is. Let me know by review or by email [ ]  
  
Thanks again for reading [ideas on how to improve this story would be great!]) 


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter is my attempt to purposely offend. Please note that this chapter is rated 'R' so please don't read it if you don't like that stuff. It is rated as such for it's brief descriptions of Ranma's encounters. Don't think it's bad enough to be rated NC-17, but if anyone thinks it is, please let me know and it will be removed and edited as best as I can. An now, on with the story!  
  
Chapter 3version 1.1Warning: Has adult talk. (Somethings are briefly, yet graphically described)  
  
"Mark, please, this is driving me crazy." teenage Ranma pleaded.  
  
"Good, I'm time traveling Mark Saotome. With me are my three guest Ranma Saotome. Our youngest has gone back stage for a nap, so he'll be back out hopefully after the next commercial break."  
  
"Mark, I mean it! I'm losin it man!"  
  
"That's why your here. Now please sit down until we call for you. If you really can't stand it, your welcome to go into that sound proof booth."  
  
"I think I'll do that," teenage Ranma stood up and walked to the booth and entered it. Shortly after he closed the door, a loud thunk could be heard as the booth locked itself shut. "What the hell is going on now?!"  
  
"That? It's just insurance that you won't try and run out in the middle of what is about to be said. Now, if we can please have the mic in the booth turned off, we can get started."  
  
"You can't do this to me! You'll be..." teenage Ranma's voice was suddenly cut off.  
  
"Now, adult Ranma, tell us a bit about your 'experiences'"  
  
"Certainly Mark. What good is it to have all these memories if I'm just going to keep them to myself?"  
  
"They wouldn't be worth much at all. Let's start with your first time. Do you remember who it was?"  
  
"Of course. You never forget your first time. This may surprise you Mark, but my first time actually happened when I was still him," adult Ranma stated as he pointed to teenage Ranma.  
  
"Really... You'd never guess he'd done anything like that."  
  
"To be fair, he's was such a virgin back then, that he didn't realize what happened to him until I did it again at the age of 18. It was when Shampoo came back into my life. She left because I convinced her that I was really a girl that changed into a guy. When she figured out the truth, she jumped in the bath tub with me and man, I'm telling you, she worked me good!" teenage Ranma tried to cover his ears as best as he could. "I'd just managed to peak when Akane came in and punted both of us out of the bathroom. As I said before, I was such a virgin that I figured it was a fear reaction or something else. I'm surprised Shampoo didn't have a litter of kittens though."  
  
"Wow. All this before you became the pervert who knocked up half the women in the Nerima district. Not to mention was knocked up by half the men."  
  
"Too true Mark. Too true. In fact my biggest regret is that it took me so long to experience the joys of sex."  
  
"You've mentioned you've done it as a girl and we know you've done it as a guy. Which do you like better?"  
  
"Honestly, I'm not sure. I mean, being a guy is natural for me, so I think it's great to stretch a girl wide and feel her clamp down on you. However, when I'm a girl, it's like I could go for weeks before I need to rest up. I'm like a bunny."  
  
"Once again, all I can say is wow. All this makes me want to go and find a spring of drowned girl too."  
  
"You should. In fact, I'd recommend it too all guys wanting more action. I mean, then you can share in all the activities out there. Boy on Girl, Girl on Boy, Girl on Girl, heck if your adventurous, boy on boy. The last one I've only done three times. Once as an experiment and two other times because of a challenge."  
  
"Your very open," Mark's statement was suddenly cut short by an explosion.  
  
"I'll kill you, you perverted me!" teenage Ranma yelled out.  
  
"Hey, I thought that was stronger then he could break through!" Mark screamed as he ran for the bomb shelter.  
  
"Lookie what we've got. It's the virgin!" adult Ranma called out.  
  
"Yes, I am! Everything you've said is all lies and I'm gonna make you regret every word of it."  
  
"Careful, your about ten years too early to take on me."  
  
"You sound like the old ghoul!"  
  
"I'll take that as a compliment. Cologne was the greatest Sensei I've ever had. She taught me a lot more then you've gotten. Don't worry though. I won't kill you since I already know how things turn out!"  
  
"You can't know! I've made my vow! I'll never be you! Never!" teenage Ranma charged, but before he reached his target, he felt a sharp pain on his side and his entire body went limp.  
  
"You just fell victim to a three thousand year old Amazon technique, the Ki dart. Using that Ki dart, I targeted a nice pressure point that disables your body for two hours. You can thank me latter for not using the complete disable point or you'd need a diaper," Ranma said calmly. "Ok everyone, the virgins down! I'd recommend three women for him before he can move on his own. Maybe that will lighten him up. Any volunteers?"  
  
"I'm afraid we don't have the time or the ratings for that adult Ranma."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"At least not air time. Perhaps after we finish rolling."  
  
"How about during the next commercial break?."  
  
"Ok, if it means that much to you... Speaking of which it's almost that time. Call your volunteers down now," as Mark said this, a studio audience suddenly appeared. Within seconds, three girls came down and began to work on teenage Ranma. "It's that time again. Time for one last commercial break before we return these three to their rightful times. Stay tuned and we'll be right back."  
  
As the camera began to fade away, teenage Ranma's black pants suddenly landed on the camera.  
  
(Chapter 3 is done. For this chapter, I was shooting for a jaw dropping, what the hell kind of flow. I hope I was successful and once again, I apologize to those it may (hopefully) have offended. Let me know by review or by email [ ]  
  
Thanks again for reading [ideas on how to improve this story would be great!]) 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4version 1.0Warning:  
  
"Hello," Chibi-Ranma cheerfully greeted the older Ranmas.  
  
"What's got him so happy?" teenage Ranma asked as he finished buttoning his shirt.  
  
"Probably not the same thing that's got you so happy," adult Ranma commented, watching the three girls walk off.  
  
"I hate to admit, but that wasn't as bad as I thought."  
  
"Told you. Now all we need is a hunk and we'll have you fixed."  
  
"No way man. I can understand women, but no way I'm doin it with a guy! No way no chance!"  
  
"I'm telling you, there's nothing else like the feeling of spreading your legs and letting a thick..."  
  
"Shut up! I don't what to hear your perverse ideas. You sicko!"  
  
"I'll let that slide." 'in and out' he added in his head as he smiled. "You've grown enough for one day..."  
  
"What are you guys talking about?" Chibi-Ranma asked innocently.  
  
"Grown up stuff you wouldn't understand," teenage Ranma responded.  
  
"Human reproductive stuff," adult Ranma added.  
  
"What? Why are telling him that! He's a kid and doesn't need to hear that kind of stuff!"  
  
"Oh, you mean sex. I got it. Don't worry, all animals do that to reproduce. It's a natural part of all wild life and I guess humans too," Chibi-Ranma responded. This of course caused teenage Ranma to face vault.  
  
"And it's fun too," adult Ranma added. "Remember Ranma, you were a lot smarter when you were a kid. Some where along the line, you got really dumb."  
  
"Take that back!" teenage Ranma yelled.  
  
"Not gonna happen. Even after what just happened to you, your probably still going to be clueless."  
  
"Am not!"  
  
"Ranma, I hate to tell you but the child over there is more mature then you. Hell, if he was the right age, I would have the girls introduce him to life, but sadly, he is too young."  
  
"Hey older Ranma?" Chibi-Ranma called out.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"During this interview, I've heard you too mention being both a boy and a girl. How did that happen?"  
  
"It was a curse."  
  
"A curse? Where did you get it?"  
  
"I got it at a place called Jusenkyo. It was a very cool place. You should go there as soon as you can."  
  
"No you shouldn't!" teenage Ranma interrupted. "Never ever go there! It's bad!"  
  
"Don't listen to him. He's just angry he didn't think of it sooner. Talk to me after the show ok kid?"  
  
"Ok," Chibi-Ranma said with a smile. He was happy to have more knowledge. Nothing made him feel better then learning.  
  
"Damn it, why doesn't anyone listen to me!" teenage Ranma yelled out. "I've been there! It's a nightmare! Ah!!"  
  
"Calm down Ranma. Just chill," Mark told him. With this, teenage Ranma dropped his hands to the side and decided that nothing around him was real.  
  
'It's just a bad dream. If I just let it finish, I can wake up and scream real loud. Then Pop can hit me and tell me to shut up. After that, I'll sit on the roof and never sleep again... This is too realistic though. Man it's creepy. Wonder if it really feels like that to be with a girl?...' teenage Ranma's continued to circle around. Of course, nobody seemed to care.  
  
"So Ranma," Mark started as he turned to Chibi-Ranma. "What do you think of your older selves?"  
  
"They are ok. I think the one hugging himself needs a bit of therapy. Grampa Ranma however is really neat sounding. He's really taken life by the horns."  
  
"Hey, I'm only 26..." adult Ranma stated, sounding slightly hurt.  
  
"Yes, he does seem that way," Mark replied to Chibi-Ranma, ignoring adult Ranma's statement. "So you think you'll turn out ok?"  
  
"Yeah. I'm going to have to work hard to keep from being messed up like he is," Chibi Ranma said as he pointed his thumb towards teenage Ranma. "but I know I'll be great when I'm a Grampa."  
  
"Well, it's been great having you two. Just head to the back area and they'll get you ready to return to your own times ok?" With that, Chibi-Ranma and adult Ranma headed to the back area. "Your the last one Ranma. Are you still in there?"  
  
"Huh? Oh, yeah, what?"  
  
"I was hoping to get a last minute reaction from you. What do you think of yourself as a child?"  
  
"That?... Man, I was never dorky like that was I?"  
  
"Fraid so. According to your files, your mother home schooled you until your father took you on your training journey."  
  
"Really? Nah, that can't be righ..." Ranma said as his face began to wrinkle. "Oh my god, your right. I can remember that. I'd forgotten all about that."  
  
"Don't be too hard on yourself. It was because you were such a fast learner when it came to the books that you picked up the martial arts so fast."  
  
"That does makes sense..."  
  
"I shouldn't ask, but what did you think of yourself as an adult."  
  
"Plain and simple, that guys a pervert and a moron. I mean, come on, the curse being permanent... That's got to be a load of bull. He probably just used the another dose of the Spring of Drowned Girl instead of the Spring of Drowned Man."  
  
"No, I'm afraid he's right. We talked to the Jusenkyo guide and he told us that once you've had the curse for more then four years, it becomes quiet impossible to break."  
  
"That can't be! Jusenkyo just got flooded and won't return to normal for several years! That means..."  
  
"That means your stuck like this! Don't feel bad. Your adult counterpart seemed very happy. I'm sure in 'time' you'll get used to it."  
  
"get used to it..." Ranma said weakly. "Never be free of this curse again?"  
  
"That's what I said."  
  
"Never?"  
  
"I'm afraid that's all the time we have today. Join us next time when our guest will be Nabiki Tendo, past, present, and future. See you then!"  
  
Mean while, in the back stage area.  
  
"Here kid, take this and look at it when you get back."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"It's directions on how to over come your fear of cats and a map that will help you get to Jusenkyo. I would have shared this with that teenager, but he was a bit too rude, don't you think."  
  
"Yes, I agree. Ill tempered and foul mouthed, though you were not that much better."  
  
"I wasn't? I'm sorry about that."  
  
"Apology accepted. I just hope that other 'Ranma' can figure out things for himself."  
  
"He will. After all, I did ok. He will to, though I suspect they'll probably erase his memory to keep him from doing anything drastic."  
  
"It would be a shame if they had to do that."  
  
"I agree. Hey kid. When you dad does the Neko-Kun training on you, just remember one thing. It will end. He eventually does stop. As I recall, he did it on me for a week. After that he'll take you to a hospital and you'll begin a new phase of your life and you'll meet new friends."  
  
"Really? You promise?"  
  
"Yeah. I promise. Would I lie to myself?"  
  
"I don't think so, but you are older then me now."  
  
"True. Well, have a great life kid."  
  
"You too!"  
  
Adult Ranma entered the machine and seconds latter was gone. Chibi-Ranma then entered and the process repeated it's self.  
  
(Chapter 4 is done. This is the last part of the show. Next I'm going to write one chapter for each of the Ranmas to tell how their lives are changed by this show. Trust me, Chibi-Ranma and teenage Ranma will not be the same. Adult Ranma might become wilder then before, but I can't think of how this show can effect him. If you have any ideas, let me know by review or by email [ ]  
  
Thanks again for reading [ideas on how to improve this story would be great!]) 


End file.
